Release the Beast....

I have now had two days to let my nerves settle down, and for my heart to jump back out of my stomach into its right place. It has been a long last 6 weeks but the hardest part is over for now, although there is still more to come. This is how the final day of this fiasco went.....

8:00am-mom picks me up to go to the lawyers office for a meeting before our court time(10:00), our meeting is at 9. We get there early and wait for dad to get there. We both feel really sick, then dad shows up and we go up to the office. We tell the receptionist we are there and she says to have a seat. At 9:15 we get agitated. Court is soon and we have lots to discuss and our lawyer is nowhere to be found. At 9:20 the lawyer calls the office and asks to speak to dad. The lawyer then walks through the door. He tells us the crown has finally consented and hour before court so we are almost in the clear. We discuss a few other things then walk to the court room.

10:00-mom goes through the side door, dad and I go through the metal detectors while dad mutters under his breathe "this is ridiculous, we shouldn't be here." We go into the court room and sit and wait, at this point really wanting to throw up. Our lawyer and the crown have a brief meeting in the hall. Our lawyer tells us what she wants as conditions and we agree with the exception of a few that are just too ridiculous to accept. We still wait. Then we see Joel, the guard brings him in through a little door in the corner where they bring the inmates through tunnels underground. He enters the court room. You can hear the shackles around his feet, the chains clink with each step, but they have taken the cuffs off his wrists because they were too tight. His wrists are all red, his hair is messy and long, his face is sad and broken, his spirit is just down. I tear up. I gesture to him to put on a smile. He just turns away. It is hard for him to see us sitting there. They bring in the judge, we all rise, we all sit. They say they are consenting to let him go on major conditions. They tell Joel the conditions, then add that my parents must pay X sum of money to get him out. We gasp, Joel's face goes even whiter and his eyes bug out of his head. But we obey. Court is over at 11:15, Joel is granted bail. But there is paperwork to be filed before that can happen.

11:30-4:00-mom and dad sign some papers saying they understand the conditions and the amount they have to pay. The lady tells us to sit and wait til they call our name. Dad runs to the bank to get a cheque. We sit and wait. At 1:55 they call our name, Its about time! Mom and dad sign more papers. We already missed the 2:15 release time so we are disappointed. They sign, the lady says to take a seat it will be a while again. We go home. Five minutes of being home we get a call saying there are more papers to sign so we have to go back now. We get there at 3:30. Mom and Dad sign, the lady says they will go over it all with Joel and then he will be free. I make a joke to mom and dad and they get mad. We argue infront of the courthouse, and I cry a little. Emotions are running high and everyone is on edge. We sit in the remand center and wait for the 4:00 release time. They let the 4:00 people go, none of them are Joel. We are disappointed, this means we have to wait until 5:30. We have been waiting all day.

5:00-we come back to the remand center and sit in the waiting area until 5:30. At 5:45 they release some inmates. None are Joel. We are devastated, as the sign on the wall says the last release time is 5:30. Apparently that is a lie. So we sit and wait, the next release time is at 7. We are all anxious, desperate to see him. Papers are signed, money has been paid and bail set, but still no sign of him. 6:30 comes and my phone rings. It's Joel. He tells me they won't tell him when he's being released and that they only brought him back to his cell at 5:30. They made him sit in a small concrete room all day by himself. He asks me to ask the lady at the front desk what other times they release at, she says anywhere up until 11. We are now royally ticked. Joel says he'll to be patient he'll see us soon. He is more calm than we are. At 6:45 a female guard comes out and asks what we are waiting for. The desk lady tells her who, the guard doesn't hear properly, the desk lady points to the screen. The guard makes a face as if to say " Holy shit he is getting out, he is a monster" I am appalled. Mom and I both saw it and the guard mellows the face when she notices I am staring at her. I feel like saying "yes bitch, we are his family and he is getting out, so shove something in your mouth to stop yourself from making that face because we don't want to see it! Release the Beast!" Mom gets too impatient and goes to a store nearby. 7:00 comes along and still no sign of him. 7:15 comes around and the lady at the front desk tells us they lock the doors at 7:30 so we will have to wait outside at that time. Dad is really mad now this is how the conversation went....."dad" ~ front desk lady~
"what do you mean we have to wait outside? We have been waiting all day and I'm not leaving without my son. Can you tell me when he will be released? Am I supposed to wait outside until 11 for him to come out? You guys took his shoes and you say you'll give him a bus ticket. Is he supposed to walk the streets with no shoes? This system is crazy!"
~There is nothing I can do sir, we are just crossing the t's and dotting the i's. He will be released when he is released, as far as I know we haven't receieved his paperwork so he may not be released until Monday.~
"Thats a lie! The majestrate we dealt with brought the papers over the second we signed them. I paid X amount of money, now give me my son."
~Well sir, like I said there is nothing I can do, your son may not be released......"

mid sentence Joel walks out. You lying bitch! My dad and I are arguing with the front desk lady and Joel has a look on his face like "wtf". He hugs us. We are happy. We leave. He is now a free man...well sort of. He is under house arrest. That is better than jail though.

8:00-we arrive home. We all sit as a family and talk. Laugh, tear, but not full on cry. We couldn't be happier that we have him home. He is safe under our roof. We can sleep at night. A long day filled with high stress and lots of different emotions. It is over now. Now we wait until they have a real case and we have to go back to court. This is just bail, we still have a long road ahead of us. But for now we are content. More content than we have been over the past month and a bit.

It has now been two days since the release and my mind is at ease. Joel is at home where he should be, and my family can breathe easy.

Judgement Day

Tomorrow is the day. The day I have been hoping for, for 36 days now.
Judgement Day.
We sit and wait until tomorrow, feeling sick to our stomachs, counting down the minutes until we leave.
We will arrive and go through the doors with the grouchy guards, walk through metal dectectors, and then get searched, muttering under our breathe how ridiculous this is to just be here at all.
We will wait until they let us in the room, where many other people either there to support or to not are waiting as well in hopes they will leave satisfied too.
We will all sit in a small court room, and feel uncomfortably sick to our stomachs until the end...and maybe even after.
We will fight the urge to run and touch you, because it is the first time not seeing you through plexi glass.
We will bite our tongues when the crown tries to make a point that tries to make you look like a bad person. Because you are not.
We will listen to the words being said by every party, but most will seem faded out because we just can't focus on what is going on.
We will anticipate the final outcome.
And finally after the last words are said, we will either leave with you or leave without you.

We are hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. It is what it is.
This is your judgement day, and we will be there every step of the way.

A quarter of a century and in a hole...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY big brother!

I have yet to talk to you today, and I may not even get the chance. Either way I'm ok with it, because everytime I talk to you I get all choked up and never get the words I want to come out of my mouth. If only you knew the way I felt, you would have some insight as to how much you mean to me.

We have been thrown into an incredible unfortunate circumstance, but not one that we cannot handle. We are strong, YOU are strong. I sometimes sit here and cry thinking about what you are doing at that exact moment...what are you doing at this exact moment on your 25th birthday? I am in awe of how everytime I talk to you or see you, you have such high spirits. You are an amazing person. You have made your fair share of mistakes, but you have tried so hard to fix them in every way you could. I know that you see how much love and support you have gotten from us..your family. You know it would never be any other way.

So, your a quarter century old today and in a shit hole. When you get out of there you will be so much stronger, so much wiser, and filled with so much more appreciation for life. Every aspect of your life has been put to the test, and you are going to rise above it all and show the world you are a great person that has been horribly misjudged.

I can't wait for that day, and it is coming soon!

I can't wait to meet the even more incredible person you will have become.

I love you, Happy Birthday!

Take this and shove it......

****This is just a warning that this blog is extremely harsh with many horrible things said! Read at own risk****

As much as I wait for the phone call that says everything will be ok, I wait for the phone call that says they caught your lying, piece of shit ass!
I fucking HATE you!
I hate you for being so nice to my family over the years that we have become close with you and trusted you! I hate you for brining stupid people like this around! I hate you for being part of this scharade and endorsing these substances to other people! I hate you for making a surprise visit which was really a fucking threat to us! I hate you for being there that night, and doing whatever it is you did that other people are paying for! I hate that you are on the run! I hate that you could be dead, because then you will never pay! I hate that you will probably never read this, or truly know how I feel towards you! I hate that you are such a fucking coward you have to run and hide for the rest of your life! I hate the fact you have the power to change everything but you won't! I flat out hate everything about you!
If there is a god out there, you better know that he knows exactly what you have done and the pain you have caused! You will pay for this on his terms, and that is better than any! I hope you are suffering right now with the guilt of everything you have done and everyone you have hurt!

So take this (*middle finger*) and shove it where the sun don't shine you little prick!
Enjoy your guilt ridden life,
because now,I am so over you that I can finally sleep.





**I am really not this harsh of a person, but under certain circumstances I had to let this one out, and I feel so much better now**